"The Dam of Self"

This is a new poem I wrote over the weekend while my wife was out of town.

By yourself after
With companionship for so long
Can cause sudden self-centered moments
Unlike you’re used to having.
Not regressive or degenerative,
Simply the vacuum of motive that
Demands filling the void with the anti—
It was dammed up. If dammed (and damned),
This would explain emptiness now
Being subdued in public milieu.

Others keep focus off ourselves, yet
We so often give to receive;
Ideas of being rewarded
Before even releasing compassion.
Entitlement is my liege
No matter what level of service
I seem to approach.
Responsibility wars with apathy,
The duel of the ages and every moment.

Classic Hollywood romantic surrounds me:
Coffee shop, rain, love ballad, mood lighting—
Any second, the heroine selfishly left behind
Comes through the glass door
Dripping wet with mascara marring
Angelic complexion.
I wouldn’t need this place or want that face
If it were just you and only you.

I used to live for melodramatic autumn days,
Welcome were moments laden with reflections
I know longer remember but still feel.
Come make me remember the innocence
Of once upon a September.
There I’ll find origin of what we see now.
Leaves will turn color, but not before
Turning once more toward wind and welcome rain.